“Never feast with those who didn’t starve with you”

When I first saw this quote some weeks ago on Facebook, I saved it. I’m not sure what my interpretation of it was at the time, but maybe through eye opening experiences over these last 3 months I truly felt like this quote was right, just, fair, and truly the way things should be.

But when you look deeper  (And you know by now I love doing that.) I think what it may really mean is somewhat the opposite than what you initially see. Appreciation is at the core of this message, appreciate the people who are there when you are starving/suffering/struggling, because these are the people you will be able to rely on for the rest. of. your. life. Never forget them. When the dust finally settles, and you see that light at the end of the tunnel these are the people who will be waiting at the other end.

I’ve never been a person to have loads of friends, but I have always been overly sensitive and overly reliant on the few people that I have kept in my life.  In a way it is unfair, both to myself and the person on the receiving end because I have always ended up expecting the same that I would give myself. Just because one person would go above and beyond for another it doesn’t mean that they would do the same; and that’s the harsh reality, that being sensitive, overly in touch with humanity is not something that everyone possesses. I will be the first to admit that I have expected more from the people that surround me, purely because I felt that I could – but when you feel let down or don’t get what you expect, you learn a lesson, one that I know no doubt my fellow sensitivees (I just made that up) will understand.

But in reality what our focus should be on – mine more than anyone’s, are the people that stand not behind or beside you but infront of you, like a shield, determined to not let you down, or ever let you go.  The perfect example of this would be my father – my angel, my father, my mother, my friend. He has always been my priority and nothing can come before him, and these last few months the way we have grown closer has made me feel like there truly was a reason behind this entire journey – I have always felt like my feelings with him have been in tune, my ability to sense the smallest reaction whether it was sadness or anger has made me feel that much more that we are one and alike, both branches from the same tree that yearns for love, care, and nurture. Having just a single person through any adversity can be what saves you.

Part of me always wonders what would life be like if I was still at uni, preparing for the biggest exams of my life, planning away the summer when I would finally graduate, and then start working for real. Where would my family be? Would life go right back to the way it was before any of this had happened?  I have always been a dreamer and I’d probably spent months thinking and wondering about my future, and at times I still do – old habits die hard. But I’ve learnt to stop myself in my tracks, just think of one day at a time, and leave to one side the elaborate plans I’d made for myself. No one knows whats around the corner but equally that doesn’t mean you allow everything to come to a standstill. You still have hope, prayer, and your own determination that you will achieve every single dream if you want it hard enough. And speaking for myself alhamdulillah by the grace of the Almighty, I am still here, but I wasn’t the one who hoped and prayed hard enough, the credit for that goes to my family and the friends and people that were there.

Now, as I sit here in the hospital, somewhat tearful and heavy hearted, I can only say that life is too short. Everyone will encounter difficult times at some point, they could all be the same but the way we react is never the same. Everyone’s struggle is their own, no one can take it for them because at the end of the day when we all close our eyes we’re alone – just like we entered this world alone we will leave alone, and that span of time we have in between is our own to make of it what we will.

Ok, I think I need to take on the job of Mrs Motivator – after I’ve depressed the hell out of you first!

Getting a little off topic I had a little encounter of my own at 4am this morning with a lovely new healthcare assistant who had come to check on me, she did all her observations and as she was about to leave in my half woken state I said nice to meet you, and her reply – to meet you nice. I’m not sure why it put a smile on my face but I assure you, the little things count.

As always I like to leave with something, today I won’t choose a quote but a sweet conversation I had with my nephew.

‘Khala (Aunty) you’re the best in the milkyway’

‘Why not the universe??’

a short pause…ok but how about the milkyway??’

‘But I want to be the best in the universe, the universe is the biggest’

‘Ok. How about the best in the galaxy then?’

At this point I resigned myself to the fact that I would not win against this three year old, and I should just settle with the Milkyway. Well.. atleast that’s something?

Love x

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One comment

  1. Shaina · January 27, 2016

    May Allah ease your pain. Bless you and your family. You seem like a very nice person. Take care.

    Like

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